The Man That Changed My Life - Part 3

... It was not to have some time to recover, but things were back to normal for the most part.

I returned to school the next day but my mom insisted on driving me there. I felt bad because it was so far out of her way, but I was glad that I did not have to take the bus for now.

When I arrived at school, my favorite security guard noticed that I missed school the previous day and ask why. In a corner of the hallway, I quietly told her what had happened the day before, and she hugged me in the hallway. I'm sure the hug looked strange to others, but it felt good to me. She told me she was glad that I was okay and gave me instructions on what to do if it ever happened again. She said, "Keep your hands in your pockets and put a key from your key ring between each finger. If someone trys to attack you, punch them in their eyes and run away." I smilled and thought that was a good idea.

For awhile I tried to walk aroung like Wolevrine, but I felt silly. Besides, I did not worry that it would happen again; I knew that I would be okay and had nothing to worry about. I knew that, but it was hard for my mom to hear. My mom was single now, and she picked up a lot of overtime. She had to get up extra early to drop me off at school and get to work on time. I hated to see her work so hard, and I told her that I would be okay riding the bus again.

She would not listen at first, but finally she agreed to let me and promised me, "If it takes blood, sweat and tears, I will buy you a car." I did not want by mom to have to push herself anymore than she already was, but it was nice to hear. At that age, you are not always sure that your parents love you, but I knew without a doubt that she did.

My mom insisted that I get some counseling, and to everyone's surprise, I was excited. I decided when I was nine years old that I wanted to become a psychologist. I thought that this was my oppurtunity to see what they do. I was happy with my therapist: First off, she was a woman (thank God). Second, she was so nice, which made it easy for me to talk. I felt sorry for her because I talked her ear off. I talked about school, my parents, and boys, and she let me talk about whatever I wanted to. The only thing that I did not talk about much was the kidnapping attempt. I did not want to talk about that. I mean, what was I going to say? Okay, yes, I got scared sometimes, but I shouldn't be; I got away unharmed. I wanted everyone to know that I was stronger than that.

After six weeks of therapy, 12 sessions altogether, I ended my counseling sessions. I would miss the therapist a little, but I was happy to get back to regular life. My mom had a private session with my therapist to get an understanding of how I was doing. I couldn't wait for her to ease my mother's concerns; after all, the therapist never saw a moment of weakness. She would tell my mother that I was a tower of strength. That no man could scare me or take away my sense of security. Now, I was the one sitting in the waiting room while my mother had a session with the psychologist. I felt a little uncomfortable knowing that they were mainly talking about me, but in a way I felt grown up. The door opened, and the therapist walked me and my mom out of her office. It was strange to say goodbye forever to a woman I quickly befriended, but I was used to that, so it was not hard for me.

Years later, I asked my mom what the therapist said to her. She summed it by saying, "She said you were hiding something. You were not ready to open up." All that time, I thought I'd outfoxed everyone. It was not like I wanted be deceptive, but my fear and anxiety were growing more severe with time. I thought about telling the therapist about how hard it was for me to walk around and not know if this man would ever get caught. I tried to keep a mental image of the man ingrained in my mind so that I could help the police catch him. That felt like toture because everywhere I went it seemed like there was someone that looked liked him. I was terrified that he would break in my house and kill my whole family. Of course, I could not tell her that; I couldn't tell anyone. I did not want anyone to worry about me or doubt my maturity. I knew that my fears were irrational, and I had every confidence that I would get better on my own. He did not even hurt me. I was mad at myself for being so weak and letting my emotions get the best of me. During the day I could manage, but nights were starting to become unbearable ...

Godsmack- I Stand Alone Lyrics

The Man That Changed My Life

Lately I have condidered myself a closet dork. As a child I tried not to let other kids label me as a teacher pet or a nerd. I’m no genius, I’m sure that is already obvious; I just love learningbut I wanted to blend in which meant to only giving the minium effort in school. I did not need to have designer clothes or to be to be popular; I just did not want to stand out from the crowd. So in elementary and middle school I made a point to do just the minimum, but then things changed in high school. I maintained over a 3.25 in my freshman year, but my sophomore year it'd dropped down a 2.50. Ironnic enough it taking difficult classes that reawakened my love of learning and my excitiment about my education. My routine in the morning was to wake up about 5:45am so I could get dressed and make it to the bus stop by 7:30am. Every morning I rode the city bus, so it was imporatnt to make it to the bus stop early just in case it ran late or passed me because it was too full. By my junior year I actually enjoyed taking the bus and I had my routine down to a science so that I was never late to school. One fall morning I grabbed my 40 lb bookbag, locked the door and crossed the street, and headed towards the bus stop. As soon as I crossed I noticed a man on the same side of the street walking towards me.

When I saw him I took note and immediately felt uncomfortable. I can’t tell you why, but I had a strong pull to cross the street again. That thought troubled me, why would I think that? I looked him up and down and noticed that his clothes were a little shabby. I concluded that I was unfairly stereotyping and did not want him to feel bad. I hate when woman clutch there purses in elevators and I would not do that to him. Besides I was only a couple minutes away from by bus stop and that would be a waste time to cross the street now. So I continued walking and even smiled at how silly I was being. The man made eye contact with me and I smiled. As he an approached me he said, “Excuse me, can you tell me what time it is?” “Sure, it’s 7:15” I said. He thanked me and continued walking. . A few seconds after finishing that thought I heard the sound of someone running towards me and before I had the chance to turn around The man grabbed me, put a knife to my neck and said that he would kill me if I screamed---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, I did not see that coming. Maybe that’s why I wanted to cross the street. The man then wrapped his arm around my waist and started walking with me across the street; the knife remained at my neck. "Okay, now what do I do?" I thought to myself. My mind quickly scaned the files of my mind a pulled up a yellow rape pamphlet I read a whilea couple of years ago. I rembered a few of the bullet points and stopped at one that said “Tell your attacker you are on your period”. I said to myself that will never work, but with not much time to spare I thought I’d give it the old college try. I said it out loud and he retorted, “Shut up bitch or I’ll cut your throat.” Oh well that did not work at all, now what? My mind raced to analyze the situation. I looked like he was taking me to the alley behind a restaurant. I concluded that he wanted to rape me there. It was light outside and the alley was right off of a main street. I thought that if he was going to rape me in the broad day light he must be a little crazy so I decided that I would not fight back, but if he tried to kill me all bets were off. I made a promise to myself, “I will not die today”. As we approached the alley the man said, “Listen slut if you don’t do what I fucking say I will kill you bitch.” I could not believe it. “How dare you!?! You don't even know me! I’m not a slut and you should not call me out of my name.” I thought to myself. I honestly was tempted to say something like that out loud but knew that now was not the time to be offended. We walked down the alley but to my surprise he turned the corner and walked me towards a car that was parked between two buildings. My senses immediately heightened and I knew that this was very serious. I looked at the license plate attempting to memorize it, but he moved me quickly up against the car. With his body pressed against mine he removed the knife from my neck and opened the car door. The car was a two door and the passenger seat was already pushed forward he pulled me towards the opening and grabbed my head, pushing me into the car. Without thinking about it my hands reached for the door frame and I pushed back with all my strength. It was a battle of wills we both pushed against each other until I fell back. Now lon the gravel looking up at the man and I made myself a new promise. I was going to walk away without a scar. I told myself to kick away the knife and to scream at the top of my lungs. Every time he came at me with the knife I kicked his hand and arms away from me, but it took so much of my focus that I’m not sure I remembered to scream.

Time seemed to stand still but I would guess that I was down on my back a little more than a minute before the man started to run. I jumped to my feet and ran to the sidewalk off of the main street and screamed as loud as I could. I looked to the right and I saw three women at the bus stop. They looked towards me for a few seconds and then turned their gaze towards the street as if noticed nothing. I stood there and continued to scream envisioning a least a few cars would stop and come to my rescue, but no one stopped. I was scared to leave the spot because I did not want this man to come back for his car and get away. I was tempted to grab my book bag and throw it through the windshield, but I did not know where the man was and I thought that I would have to save myself first and hope that the police catch him later. I decided to go the restaurant just past the bus stop. As I approached the three women I asked them if they remember seeing a man in a brown leather jacket. They said they had and I told them he tried to kidnap me. They all looked away without a word. I recognized one of them as a student at my school. I asked her for her name with the hopes that she could be a witness if needed (I wanted to get their numbers but thought that I need to move quickly).

I walked into the reaturant and told a waitress what happened. WIth the a look of compassion she said she was sorry but I could use their phone; instead she gave my change to use their pay phone. I thought about calling the police but at 16 years-old I could not help it, and I called my mommy. “Mommy------- I’m at IHOP just down the street. A man tried to push me into his car, but I got away.” With those words I turned into a scared little girl with a shaky voice, my whole body trembled. I heard the fear and anxiety in my mother’s voice. All I can remember her saying is I’ll be right there………….