I have never wanted to become a stripper. I can't imagine dancing for a bunch of stranger but I will admit that I have wanted to dance for a couple of my friends/boyfriends. Part of the interest I believe is innocent. I was the girl at the dance club that made a B-line to the stage so that I could dance by myself and be the center of attention; strippers get the stage all to themselves. My less than innocent motivates would the desire to dance sexy to songs I love. In my late teens I sometimes found myself day dreaming about stripping while listening to sexy music. There was nobody else in my daydreams, just mean on a dark stage with one spotlight. I did worry that about my thoughts because it only felt safe in my imagination.
Through high school my friends would tease me about being a big flirt. I liked boy's attention and I liked having platonic friends. I realized soon that if a boy likes you but there is no hope of you relationship every becoming romantic than they will soon tire of your friendship. So I become comfortable with the flirting with my friends. It started off as conscious but then I think it became a part of my personality. Sometimes girls thought that I was flirting with them but I did not feel bad. I learned that flirting is smiling a lot, making good eye contact, being personable, being confident, and showing genuine enthusiasm while listening; in other words great interpersonal or interview skills. However the skills sometimes sent mixed messages to a few close friends. Especially one friend in particular; I call him hubby today.
You see hubby, as sweet and generous as he is, still is a hot blooded male. It seemed when I refused to flirt at all he become disinterested in our friendship or become more determined to win me over. Although my feelings for hubby were platonic I've always known that he was someone really special and made a point to do what it took to keep him in my life. To be honest hubby was fun to flirt with. He's witty, charming, intelligent and funny so flirting with him was satisfying on so many levels. Still I had to find the right balance of sarcasms and sweetness so that he never tried to make a move on me but stayed interested. Through the years I became comfortable letting my guard down with him because he never tried to force himself on me, something I really grew to appreciate.
I moved away from home to go to school but hubby and I become even closer during that time. So when I transferred to a school close to home me and hubby hung out a lot. That summer was incredible. I could be one of the guys while watching, sports drinking beer, and listening to crazy women stories. No matter what I always knew that I was also a lady; hubby and his friends treated me with respect, open doors for me and were eager to buy dinner. After a few years of trying to avoid being raped and stalked by men (more on that at a later date) it was a pleasant surprise to hang out with male friends who did not try to even steal a kiss.
So in all my young wisdom I knew that hubby's b-day was the perfect opportunity to get him a present to show him how much I appreciated him. In the past I have bought music CDs, but this time I wanted to make it special; something he really wanted that only I could or would give to him. Those darn day dream started popping up in my head. I couldn't afford to get him a car and a tie would not cut it, but I could not figure out else that he would have really liked. Besides I could imagined his surprise when I started dancing to the music (I barely would hug him at the time). I could envision the delight in his eyes as we locked eyes; after all I am pretty damn sexy. I could anticipate the sense of freedom as I slowly removed my clothes; how much courage and confidence would that take for me to be able to dance down to my underwear (getting completely naked was never a part of my fantasy). I entertained the thought for about a week but knew that not only would I never have the courage, but I also realized that could be detrimental to our friendship. One reason why I love hubby is because he never treated me like a piece of meat. Our platonic relationship, except for the occasional flirtation was pure as the driven snow, why would I do anything to jeopardize that.
So instead I gave him a gift that was equally good, some nice cologne and he was none the wiser. Because of that decision to keep my clothes on I now have a lifetime to explore all my fantasies to my heart's content. I can spend time finding sexy songs that inspire a little role play for a spicy day.
Do you think it was strange that I wanted to strip for a friend? What would make a 21 year old want to strip for fun?
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